By Candlestick’s Dilemma

Special thanks owed to Rob for inspiration

Contains: MtFF transformation, ignoring a cat, (it's ok, he was probably ignoring them), twinification, hourglass, chicks with dicks, dual gendered, conjoinment, misuse of birthday wishes, mild cursing, and a complete lack of Latinas.

Story:

Kelley sighed and looked down at his cart. A box of four pre-made cupcakes. A small box of candles. An aim-and-flame lighter. A frozen pizza.

And his slightly chubby self, on his 42nd birthday. He sighed and pushed the cart forward a step as the person in front of him finished at the self checkout.

“You know,” she said, “I think the real problem with today is that people don’t talk anymore.”

Kelley smiled politely as he waited for her to move the stuff she’d scanned back into her cart. 

“Yeah, my mom used to say ‘a life spent with a friend is a life half as hard.’”

“A friend?” She turned her face to Kelley for the first time, and he saw that she was a lovely young woman. One he immediately reminded himself was out of his league even when he had been in her age range. “Or a lover?”

Kelley blushed and looked away from her, shuffling his shopping onto the little tray next to the counter. “I, uh, wouldn’t know. I guess I never took mom’s advice.”

“Shame that.” She started to push her cart away. “Happy Birthday.”

When Kelley turned to look after her, she was already gone.

~

Back home, Kelley looked at the candle burning down in the single cupcake. He’d already eaten one, just feeling peckish while the pizza cooked, but now he’d finished it, an entire frozen pizza by himself, and now was looking at his… ‘birthday cake’. “Happy birthday to meeee….” And blew out the candle. He didn't bother saying the wish, it’d been the same wish for years now. Decades.

Pulling the candle out and leaving it on the plate, he bit into the cupcake, nearly choking when his phone chimed. Fishing it out of his pocket, he saw an app popped on it, NU U.

“I didn’t install that…”

Unlocking his phone, he opened the app and looked it over. “Find a New You, alter or reshape yourself and your life as you want it to be!”

“Is this a dating app or some kind of sim game?” Kelley frowned and skipped past the tutorial, giving permission for the camera and the access to the files on his phone, barely noticing. He saw a list of pictures, including one of him in his skivvies from a ‘30 day challenge’ that he’d made it a whole day into, of taking pictures of yourself every morning to help encourage you to lose weight. Clicking it, the NU U app responded by popping up a handful of options.

Flicking through them… was a little depressing. Thinner, taller, more muscle… bigger dick.

He sighed, feeling his head hang as the phone went a bit loose in his grasp, a knockoff pop socket being all that kept it from falling. “Even in an app that is supposed to do anything, I can’t find the kind of options that’d make me hap-.”

The app chimed again, startling him no less than the first time.

Glancing at it, he found a whole new list of options. “Swap genders? Divide age? What the fuck?”

He felt his cheeks reddening as he looked through his options. “Maybe that’d be better, using both. I’d be better as a pair of ladies half my age and…” He looked down at the belly pushing over his waistband. “Half my weight.”

He clicked without looking.

“Holy fuck and a half!” A girl with a slight accent shouted as she fell out of the armchair Kelley had been sitting in a moment ago. “Did you push me?”

“How could I push you!” Kelley shouted back, finding she had an accent now. Wait, she? “Oh fuck and a half! It worked!”

The two women looked at each other, nude except for a pair of men’s boxers, and a healthy pair of breasts… but other than that they weren’t much to look at. Of course, it was more than Kelley had seen of a woman in… well, if you didn’t count the internet, ever.

“Hey,” the woman on the floor reached for Kelley’s hand. Kelley tried to wrap her mind around the possibility that she was just like she was, the same person in any case. She sure didn’t look like the Kelley she knew… but then, neither did Kelley. “Give me the phone, I want to make some changes.”

Kelley reflexively held it protectively against her chest. “Well, what if I want to make some changes?”

“Of course you want to make some changes! I’m you and I want to!”

The two stopped suddenly, looking at each other and suddenly laughing.

“This is so fucking surreal.” Kelley turned the phone so she could see the screen again.

“Fucking tell me about it. Why are we talking like this? Where’d this accent come from?”

“Umm, I think we had ‘reality change’ turned on.” Kelley blinked, going over memories that were distinctly more feminine and involved her and her twin sister, and only went back twenty one years. Well, less than that, but she knew she was 21, which was the point. “And mental change too.”

“So… whatever would have had to have happened for us to be born as female twins meant…”

“Different parents.” They said together. “So accent.”

“Oof, talking in unison is weird.” Kelley’s twin shook her head, standing up fully and coming around the chair to look over her sister’s shoulder. “Still got our profile open?”

“It’s asking if we want to split them, or conjoin them?”

“Conjoin?” Kelley could hear her twin get excited.

“Can’t wait to.” Kelley grinned up at her twin. “But no, I think it means how our profiles are related. Like, should we be able to change independently, or change separately.”

“Well… I mean we’ll stop being twins if we start making random changes and not including each other.” Her twin shrugged. “But I think being able to see how changes look on each other could be fun too.”

“How about…” Kelley thought for a moment, “physical changes that would change our genetics stay matched, but like getting earrings or dying our hair won’t?”

“Sounds good.” Her twin nodded, looking over the phone screen again. “Names?”

“Yeah, if we’re going to have two profiles I guess we need separate names.” Kelley bit her lip, feeling scared to ask her… twin? “C-can I keep Kelley?”

“Knock yourself out.” Her twin shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe go with just ‘Kelly’ and I’ll go with Jamie.”

Kelly typed both names in and blinked, noticing their last name had changed its spelling slightly, and now had an Irish lilt to it. So that’s where the accent came from. She turned to Jamie, starting to do the same thing, and realized she couldn’t think of her sister as anything other than Jamie. Some part of her knew deep down that her twin and her had been not only one person, but a middle aged, overweight man on his birthday an hour ago, but she was hard pressed to remember HIS name, or what he looked like.

“Hey, I think we’re Irish now.” Jamie said, noting their last name.

“Looks like it, sis.” Kelly nodded. “Oooh, that gives me an idea!”

“Green eyes!” they said together, quickly making the change, then oohing and aahing over each other’s new eye color.

“Let’s go with hair color next. Too cliche to go red with curls?” Kelly asked, already clicking through the changes.

“Eh, I kinda want to try something darker. Go long, black and straight for me.” Jamie said, fingering the mousy brown hair they’d inherited.

With a few clicks, each was sporting a new hair color and do. They both decided slightly paler skin looked better, though Kelly had a laugh as Jamie came out the other side looking a bit gothic.

“Well why don’t you go the other way. Get some more sun and maybe go for blonde?”

“Oh I love it!” Kelly grinned, typing the changes.

“How did I know you would?” Jamie rolled her eyes but shared her twin’s grin, watching as the red curls turned into similarly straight hair to her own, in a lovely honey colored hue. 

“Nice! Make that our default, then I don’t have to try so hard to get to black on mine.”

“Sure… Done!” Kelly made a few clicks, then looked her twin up and down.

“What?”

“I was just thinking…” Kelly bit her bottom lip. “If this app really can make us look however we want…”

“Then why not like our fav pornstar?” Jamie guessed, laughing when Kelly gave an enthusiastic head bob. “I love Candied Apples as much as you, but I just spent a half hour on our hair and face, babe.” She struck a vogue pose they both knew from the cover of one of Candied’s best videos.

Candied Apples was one of the foremost ‘huge curves, tiny waist, all a choice’ porn stars. Despite having boobs in the 1500cc a piece range, with an ass to match, and a waist a wasp would be jealous of, no one was quite sure how much work she’d really had done, and how much was genuinely the woman herself, but now that the twins had access to the app,

“Maybe our heads on her body?” Kelly hazarded a solution, getting a funny look and laughing.

“What are you laughing about, goof?” Jamie giggled herself, loving how infectious Kelly’s giggles were, and finding a few memories of even her worse ‘goth-funks’ could be turned around with one of her twin’s giggle fits.

“Just the image of both our heads suddenly appearing on either side of her’s in the middle of a porn shoot.” Kelly laughed.

“Given some of her more… silly videos, she’d probably be down.” Jamie laughed at the image of the trio of women in one of the curviest, sexiest bodies around, getting railed from every direction. “Remember the vid where it was edited so she and Rolling Hills-,” A red head with one of the few bodies that could compete with Candied Apples’ incredible curves, and also a favorite of the twins, though she didn’t do as much, or as esoteric, videos as Candied did. 

“Were like… pushing into each other’s pussies like they were trying to unbirth themselves into each other at the same time?”

“And end up in a queen conjoinment, with boobs so big they couldn’t see each other around them?” Kelly gushed, wanting to pull up the vid and… and something felt missing suddenly. She shrugged it off and kept her fan-girling up, “and then those guys came in, flipped them over, and Eiffel tower’d them from both ends?”

“Wish I knew how they’d done that!” Jamie said, giving a sigh. “I mean, we’re twins! Imagine if we did vids like that for an only fans account and-.”

Both women paused suddenly and looked at each other.

“Just checking, I suggested something that was obviously sisXsis, did you feel anything?”

“Umm… made me horny?” Kelly blushed, but didn’t want to hold anything back from her twin. “Not the reaction you’d expect twins to have.”

“Probably because we used to just be one guy.” Jamie grinned. “But yeah, it sounded hot, getting in a big titty 69 with you, and- THE APP!”

“What?” Kelly clutched the phone to her chest, looking surprised as her twin. “What about it?”

“It can do anything, right? Quick, give me a body like Candied’s!”

Kelly clicked through, only having to type ‘whose proportions do you want?’ and finding Candied’s name auto filled after just a few letters, apparently she was a popular choice. She clicked to apply to her twin, and watched as Jamie’s already generous breasts swelled and firmed up, the dark haired pale goth woman with the striking green eyes moaning as her ass swelled as big and round as her new volleyball sized, and shaped, tits, her thighs thickening to support such a pair of hips. Even her waist brought a cry of joy from the raven haired twin as cinched in, as if an invisible corset was not just holding it in, but also lifting her heavy, round tits.

“Oh sis, you gotta try-.”

“Uh oh.” Kelly looked up at Jamie before quickly thrusting her phone into her twin’s hands. 

“Hang on to this!”

“Why? I-.” Jamie looked down to see ‘all natural’ was turned on. They both liked the ‘no scar’ look, though weren’t turned off by them either, so why did that bother Kelly so… oh wait. Twin-Link. Jerking her head up, she watched Kelly transform.

Kelly’s hands roamed her firming, inflating tits, moaning as they filled under hands, their sensitive service filling them with pleasure. Unlike her twin, the changes seemed to flow straight down as they finished with her tits, squeezing her waist, and bringing a moan from the blonde. Next, her hips started to swell till Jamie was sure her twin wouldn’t be sitting back in that recliner chair they’d both sprung from earlier.

Glancing to the chair out of some train of thought, she found in its place a plush loveseat. ‘It’s going to love having my seat in it, at least.’ She thought to herself a big smugly, her eyes snatching back to her twin a moment later when she heard the blonde Kelly cry out in orgasmic delight, the two once more identically built.

“I’m so fucking HOT!” Kelly cheered, spinning in place, and laughing as her ridiculous curves nearly pulled her off her feet. Trying to catch herself, she fell into her twin’s arms, laughing and cooing as so much sensitive skin met an equal amount as their large, round tits squished together. “WE’RE so fucking HOT!”

“And so fucking soft.” Jamie added, pulling her twin into a rather un-sisterly kiss, one Kelly gleefully melted into, the two women letting their hands roam each other’s identical bodies for several minutes before coming up for air.

“Oh fuck and a half, I know we always wanted a girlfriend but…” Kelly panted, biting her lip.

“Now that we’ve got each other, I’m really missing someone having a cock!” Jamie finished, before noting the phone still held tightly in one hand. A few quick pecks, and she pulled her twin into another kiss as she hit apply.

It would be, Kelly decided later, nearly impossible to explain what it was like to go from having a cock she didn’t quite remember having anymore, to having a sweet, wonderful pussy, to having a hungry pussy with plump lips that seemed it constantly had a vibrator in it, apparently that’s how Candied Apples’ pussy felt all the time and Kelly had no interest in complaining.

And now to… having that supercharged, wet and hungry pussy AND having a cock suddenly growing slightly above that pussy, with a pair of heavy, cum filled balls that felt ready to boil over with gooey, delicious creme at any moment.

And then feeling that cock rub against its ‘identical member’ as Kelly briefly crossed swords with her twin.

The two women gasped and stepped away from each other at the cock-to-cock touch, mouths hanging open.

“Th-that’s fucking huge.” Kelly pointed at her twin’s cock. She wanted to look at her own, but she was so busty she wasn’t ever going to see her shoes again without a mirror, let alone her own cock.

“Uh, yeah, I thought… I’d just set it to give me ‘the kind of cock that Candied MOST liked having inside of her’ and let the twin-link give you the same.” Jamie blinked, looking between her own tits and Kelly’s curvaceous body.

“This is… a lot.” Kelly bit her lip, doing the same back and forth look.

Jamie took the three steps necessary to bring their bodies back together, feeling her cock slide between her twin’s leg’s, its thick head grinding against her sister’s pussy, and her sister’s big cock rubbing against her abs between the twins. “I think we haven’t gone nearly far enough.”

The two women came together in another kiss, their four hands working to nudge Kelly’s cock enough out of the way, and lift one of her very flexible legs up so that Jamie could fuck her limber twin while standing, the two unable to last long, and sharing their first female, and technically male, orgasms together, before Jamie bent over the loveseat and gave her ass a shake, making sure Kelly knew it was time to return the favor.

Something her twin eagerly did, pounding Jamie face first into the cushions as each woman hugged and played with their own tits, moaning and yelling as they both came again.

Collapsing to the floor, both identical women with their opposite shaded hair panted on the ground, side by side, squeezing each other’s hands and laughing together, giddy smiles spread from ear to ear.

“Th-this… is the best… birthday ever.” Kelly panted.

“Not yet, it’s not.” Jamie grinned, reaching for the phone she’d tucked safely into the loveseat cushions just before her twin had crammed a good ten inches of cock into her from behind. Fishing it free, she brought up a ‘special changes’ tab and reconnected her profile with her twin’s, turning the screen to face Kelly. “Ready?”

“Ready!” Kelly answered, reaching out with one finger so both women could click it together.

The phone quickly skittered safely away from the pair across the soft carpet, and under the loveseat where it couldn’t be harmed in what was to come. Kelly gave her twin’s hand a squeeze, the twins turning to look into each other’s eyes, biting their bottom lips identically as they felt their bodies start to change yet again tonight.

First their sides pulled together, their arms melting into their torsos. Already wide hips seemed even wider as their waists cinched down to their typically tight diameter, leaving their ass to belly button ratio even more ridiculous then it had been before. The space between their legs was crowded with two thick, giant cocks, already growing hard again even after the multiple orgasms the twins had just put the two pieces of tube-steak through, and two very juicy, plump pussies below them, wet and hungry for cock already. Their legs shrunk down to just a standard two, though the thighs and calves were much thicker than they’d been separately.

Above that, both women were nearly babbling at the sensations coursing through them as their already overramped sexdrives knitted together into an even bigger, hungrier one, surpassing anything either woman could have dreamed of. All four of their tits swelled half again bigger, before seeming to rotate as their torsos sunk into each other, leaving them with four massive tits, two above two.

Their shoulders combined, creating an odd double collarbone with a W shape, fitting both women’s neck and heads next to each other, far enough away they could still kiss, but close enough that they could rub cheeks if they wanted to. Feeling a bit more solid, they started to sit up before the final change flooded them, an extra pair of arms, and then two more sets, leaving them with eight arms running down the side of their insane, curvy, conjoined body, the two women crying out and cumming, loudly, as both cocks and both pussies sprayed, squirted and splashed cum everywhere.

“Ha-happy…” Jamie started, before her eyes rolled up into her head.

“Birthday!” Kelly finished, barely hanging on long enough for the word, before the two fell back onto the floor and passed out.

From the back of the loveseat, their cat, a long haired persian with a deep purr when he was happy, simply twitched an ear as he looked down at his conjoined mistresses, the smell of what they’d been up to for… the last three hours filling the room, but not so badly he wanted to leave. He didn’t understand the human need for birthdays, he’d had four since he was a kitten, and had each time tolerated his mistresses putting a little hat on him as they jumped around acting silly and showering him with toys and nip, which he did enjoy, but he didn’t understand how they celebrated their own birthday AT ALL.

There was no figuring humans out, most of the time.

He settled down, resting his chin on his crossed paws and listening to his twin mistresses in their new, odd body let out identical snores, and made a mental note to wait to hop on top of them with all four paws for at least an hour. There was no way he was missing dinner.

“Happy Birthday,” he mewed in his own little cat language, before falling into a rather lovely nap himself.

~Fin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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